My friend Dave who passed away from cancer almost three years ago has been on my mind more than usual the last couple of months, so I decided to pay a visit to his grave today. I've been out to the cemetery quite a few times to just sit and talk to him but this was actually the first time since his funeral that I actually came out during the day. Every other time I stopped out there it was in the middle of the night (and I was most likely drunk).
We grew up together through elementary, Jr. High, and High School and shared a lot of childhood memories. Later on when we got older he led a wilder life than I did and I just saw him on random occasions. We were always happy to run into each other and enjoyed reminiscing about our childhood days working on comic books in school and trading Garbage Pail Kids cards.
I got cancer before he did and by the time I was through with all my chemotherapy and radiation treatments he was just finding out that he had cancer. For some crazy fucked up reason a whole bunch of our elementary school friends were sick, dying, or dead. I look at our 6th grade class photo and I swear, a third of the class is dead. Since Dave died in 2006 three more of our classmates have passed away (that I'm aware of).
When Dave was starting to get really sick he would ask me for advice and I did my best to be positive but there was really nothing to say. There was a time when the doctors told me that I had a 3% chance of survival and advised my family to say their goodbyes to me. It was a genuine miracle that I'm here today and not just another name on the list. That is what bothers me sometimes. I guess that little thought of, "Why him and not me?" I try not to think about it but I can't help it.
So today I went back to his grave and put a Garbage Pail Kid card on his headstone for old times. His grave has always got stuff people left there for him. In less than two months it will be three years since he passed away. One thing that is kind of funny is that Dave was always asking me for advice towards the end, but now it seems that since he's been gone I'm the one always asking him.
DAVID K. CREW 1976-2006
I think I miss him now more than ever, especially when I need a good friend. One of the best things about him was his heart. We both share a big genuine love for people and Dave was never afraid to show it. He would always greet you with a killer hug and smile, and his laugh was horribly contagious. When we would get laughing and telling stories I felt like we could stay up all night. He was also someone you could tell your most horrible fuck-ups to because he wouldn't judge you by your mistakes. He'd made his own and was the first to forgive. I'm sure if he was still here we would be the best friend.
It's hard to share my memories of him with anyone who knew him because I know if I even mention him to anyone it just makes their heart ache. I think sometimes I'm not the only one who feels like that. For now I'll just blog.